I Ignored My Kids Yesterday
Updated: Aug 22, 2020
My shower was longer. I conditioned and shaved. I trimmed my hair. I took time with my makeup. I gave myself a mani/pedi. I read. I worked. I watched T.V. I made myself a snack. I had a drink before 5:00 p.m. I shopped for myself online. I sat in my air conditioned room alone. I let my mind wander.
It was more than just self-care. I was at an impasse and needed to pull myself from a metaphorical swamp of quarantine-filled sadness. I needed a break—so I wouldn’t break.
I like to find the silver lining in difficult situations. I’ve been through enough to know they all have one. But as I looked at a never ending stream of laundry, dirty dishes, cooking, cleaning, the looming year of distance learning, continued civil and political unrest—and yet another new month of our endless quarantine—I couldn’t see through the fog of it. I didn’t see anything positive and it was beginning to consume me. It was dragging me down.
I didn’t plan to ignore my kids. I didn’t talk to my husband about needing alone time. I didn’t check in with anyone to make sure they had what they needed.
It was an unplanned hard stop.
My kids didn’t get a proper lunch, had zero structure, their screen time was off the charts and I had dinner delivered.
We still took a walk, we still did our bedtime routine, we still shared hugs and kisses, but I saved most of my energy for myself.
A new day
Today was the first morning this week I didn’t lament getting out of bed. It was the first time in weeks I felt I could handle another day. It was the first time all week I didn’t look at my beautiful children and see only responsibility. The fog lifted and I saw their faces, their smiles and I heard their giggles.
Yesterday won‘t be significant when my
kids look back on 2020—but it will be significant for me.
It‘s okay to not be okay right now. You are not alone.